i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We are two peas in an std pod
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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