i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
