I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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