Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
