I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
