yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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