Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
