Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
