smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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