Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
