Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
