whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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