If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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