ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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