When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
