its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
