the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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