We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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