Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
