why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
