Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
