Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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