Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
