you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize