Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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