What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
