Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
