She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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