I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize