I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
