I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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