i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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