12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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