found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
