mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
