dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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