so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
