That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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