i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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