We're facebook friends in real life
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found a bag of teeth...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
