do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
