Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
