Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need moral support for this bender
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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