can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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