i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
