I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
