I feel great
I just peed on a car
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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