I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
