I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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