is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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