mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
