so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
