Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How's work?
Spinning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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