I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
