mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
