Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
