The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
