I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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