Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
