Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize