Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
