Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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