i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
