He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
