I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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