hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
