Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
