This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
