he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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