a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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