Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vagina is officially offended.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
