Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
zippers are such a cool invention
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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