i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
