Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
