you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
