i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Damn victory sex feels great
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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