I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
